Sew Me Up Baby
by Cutting Out My Heart
Summary: Set after Extreme Risk. Sometimes it's easier just to pretend like you're okay. Avoid the worried glances and prodding question. At least that's what B'Elanna thinks, but Seven believes otherwise. WARNING! Femslash and Tom whumping!
1. Chapter 1

This is set after the episode Extreme Risk when B'Elanna attempts to feel some emotion or pain by running dangerous holodeck programs without safety protocols.

Disclaimer: Obviously I am not Gene Rodenberry and I don't own Star Trek or any of its characters.

B'Elanna sighed as she flopped onto her couch after another long shift in Engineering. She wanted nothing more than to lose herself in a battle on the holodeck but her privileges had been revoked after her latest self-harming fun.

Chakotay thought his talk with B'Elanna had helped her and she felt there was no reason for her to correct him. They thought she was happy again and she let them think that. She let everyone think she was normal, short tempered, spunky B'Elanna.

Her stomach growled but she ignored it. She didn't feel like being in the crowded mess hall and she was out of replicator rations for the month. B'Elanna wandered into her bathroom and pulled off her dirty clothes and stepped into the sonic shower. Sometimes she wished she had a real bathtub like the Captain. She didn't think she could stomach Neelix's cooking long enough to save up the replicator rations.

B'Elanna really hated the sonic showers sometimes, they didn't give you anytime to just soak in the hot water and think about how much you hated your entire existence. As she stepped out of the shower B'Elanna heard her door chirp letting her know someone wanted to see her.

"B'Elanna, it's me," shouted a male voice.

"Ugh, Tom," sighed B'Elanna as she wrapped a towel around herself and walked to the door.

It slid open revealing Tom leaning against the doorframe looking like a cocky asshole. Sometimes she really hated him.

"What?" demanded B'Elanna.

"Jeez, I was just wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me," said Tom.

"I already ate," replied B'Elanna sharply.

"Okay, well you're already dressed for the other 'activity' I was going to suggest," he said as he waggled his eyebrows.

B'Elanna snorted. "No thanks, hon, I just want some alone time right now."

"Okay, well if you change your mind, you know where to find me," said Tom before striding off down the hall.

B'Elanna stepped away from the doors allowing them to close and then flopped back on the couch resuming her earlier spot. She really hated Tom sometimes. He was such an immature idiot. She thought of the things that kept them apart in the first place. Eventually her mind fell why Tom would stay away from her. She was short-tempered, had anger issues, she was aggressive and moody.

She stared at her commbadge on the table in front of her. She picked it up and fingered the spikes on the back that held it in place. She pressed her finger into.

She felt warm blood, but no pain. She pulled her finger back and watched the blood run down her finger.

"Why can't I feel," said B'Elanna in anger.

She stalked to a stand with drawers and dug through it until she found what she was looking for: scissors. She opened them pressed one side to her arm. She pushed it down and drug it across her arm. At first there was just a faint red line, then the blood started spilling out. Not enough to kill her. She repeated this action ten more times until she had a nice collection of cuts on her arm.

B'Elanna watched the blood run until it started dripping on her carpet. She rushed back into her bathroom and wiped the blood off with a wet rag. She cursed the Captain for taking the dermal regenerator she had managed to swipe. It looked like she was wearing these 'battle scars.'

B'Elanna held the rag to her arm until it stopped bleeding and then disposed of her bloody mess. It was still early, only just after dinnertime, but B'Elanna decided sleep was better than wallowing in her pitiful existence.

B'Elanna woke up the next morning to the sound of Seven calling her name. She thought about answering but the dull ache in her arm prevented her from moving.

"Lt. Torres, I require your assistance, please respond," said Seven. She was beginning to get agitated at the Lt.'s refusal to answer her. "Computer, please locate Lt. Torres," asked Seven.

"Lt. Torres is in her quarters," replied the computer.

Seven looked at the pad in her hands. She set on her console and strode out the door. A few minutes later she was standing outside Lt. Torres' quarters. She tried for a few minutes to get B'Elanna to come to the door but it proved futile. Finally Seven overrode the lock code and walked into B'Elanna's quarters. She scanned quickly for B'Elanna before deciding she was in her bedroom.

She started for the door. Halfway across the room, Seven spotted blood on the carpet. She also noticed the scissors on the counter. She quickly came to the most logical conclusion that B'Elanna had injured herself working on a project.

She knocked on B'Elanna's bedroom door. There was no answer. She opened the door to reveal B'Elanna curled up in a ball under a heavy blanket. Seven noticed even though the room was warm B'Elanna was shivering.

Seven called her name several times to no avail. She finally grabbed B'Elanna's shoulder and shook her. B'Elanna's eyes shot open and she grabbed Seven's arm. She twisted her and flung her on the bed. B'Elanna stared into Seven's blue eyes wide in shock.

"What in the hell are you doing in my quarters," shouted B'Elanna looking down at the ex-Borg woman now sprawled across her bed.

"I required your assistance and you wouldn't answer my hails," stated Seven matter-of-factly as she sat up.

B'Elanna sighed and noticed Seven was looking slightly lower than B'Elanna's face. Suddenly B'Elanna was very, very aware that she was naked. She pulled her sheets up quickly.

"Sorry, I'll get dressed, you can wait in the living room," said B'Elanna slightly embarrassed.

Seven watched B'Elanna's cheeks redden and felt her own grow hot. She nodded and slid off B'Elanna's bed. She looked back at B'Elanna retreating into the bathroom and looked quickly away. She walked into B'Elanna's living room as she had instructed.

Seven glanced around as the heat left her cheeks. She didn't know why the Lt. had her so flustered. She noticed a small collage of photos over a desk. She wasn't used to this strong urge she thought was known as curiosity, but Seven wanted to see who or what the short-tempered Lt. had pictures of. There were some with B'Elanna and Tom, the couple and Harry, B'Elanna with Chakotay and a few other former Maquis. A few of the prettier planets and stellar formations they had seen. There was one in the center with the entire senior staff, Seven included. The collage was devoid of pictures from B'Elanna's life before Voyager.

B'Elanna stepped silently into her living room. She expected Seven's Borg hearing to pick up the opening doors, but apparently she was too engrossed in B'Elanna's collage. She cleared her throat loudly and Seven spun around.

"What did you need my help with?" asked B'Elanna.

"I require your assistance in recalibrating the shields to protect the ship through the nebula we will encounter next week," said Seven.

"Okay, let's go," said B'Elanna.

Seven followed her quietly out of her quarters and to the turbolift. She wondered why B'Elanna hadn't scolded her for intruding in her personal space and looking at her pictures. And just what the Lt. had been doing with the scissors. Seven knew her questions would have to wait.

They arrived in Astrometrics and got to work. Soon it was lunchtime and B'Elanna stomach growled. She hadn't eaten since breakfast the previous day. But something kept her working. Something was telling her that if she could feel hunger, maybe she could feel something else. Even the dull ache in her arm was gone. Unfortunately for B'Elanna, Seven noticed it was lunchtime.

"Lt. is it not time for lunch," asked Seven.

"Yeah, I'm not really hungry, let's just get this finished," said B'Elanna.

"Your stomach seems to think otherwise," said Seven.

B'Elanna laughed and Seven had a slight smirk on her face.

"Did you just make a joke Seven," asked B'Elanna.

"It would appear I did," said Seven.

She smiled at B'Elanna, and for a second B'Elanna could feel something. She didn't know what it was about this Borg ice queen, but she'd figure it out.

"Would you care to join me for lunch Seven?" asked B'Elanna.

"That is acceptable," said Seven.

They strolled out of Astrometrics and back to the turbolift. B'Elanna told the computer to take them to deck 6. They waited in silence and when the doors opened they were met by Tom and Harry.

"Hey guys, you're a little late for lunch," joked Harry.

"Yeah, we were in the middle of a project and lost track of time," said B'Elanna.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second," Tom asked taking B'Elanna's arm. She winced slightly and it didn't go unnoticed by Seven.

B'Elanna glanced at Seven. She was half-listening to Harry.

"Yeah, sure," replied B'Elanna.

She followed Tom away from the turbolift and Harry and Seven. She leaned against the wall and waited for Tom to speak.

"Did you get over your problem last night?" he asked.

"What problem, just because I don't drop my clothes and spread 'em every time I see you means I have a problem now," said B'Elanna defensively.

"Whatever, I don't need this. I try to ask if you're okay and you bite my head off," said Tom angrily.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't pick up on the concern through all the bullshit," B'Elanna retorted.

Their conversation grew into a full-blown argument loud enough to bring Harry and Seven down the hall. They caught the end.

"Well if you have such a problem with my attitude, you immature flyboy asshole, then why don't you just stay away!" shouted B'Elanna.

"Maybe I will, this immature flyboy asshole doesn't need your mood swings anymore!" Tom shouted back.

"Fine then, we're through!"

Tom stalked away with Harry close behind. B'Elanna slammed her fists into the wall behind her. Seven could see the tears streaming down her face.

"Lt. do you require assistance," asked Seven, unsure of how to act.

"No, I'm fine, let's just go back to work, I lost my appetite," said B'Elanna.

Seven didn't argue as B'Elanna wiped tears from her eyes. They headed back to the turbolift and Seven hoped Harry and Tom were gone. Luckily they were. The two women went back to Astrometrics and worked the rest of the afternoon silently.

B'Elanna was upset, but she made no mistakes in her calibrations. Seven was impressed. The ex-Borg woman had an inability to concentrate when other things were on her mind. Little did Seven know B'Elanna was concentrating very hard on finishing this so she could get back to her quarters and try to make herself feel.

R&R

Feedback is always helpful!

But flames are for fires!


	2. Chapter 2

Hey Everyone! I know this has been a long time coming and I'm soooo sorry it's taken this long. I have an awful habit of starting stories and never finish them, but I'm going to do my best with this one because I really like it. Thanks to everyone who stuck around, I really appreciate it. And I appreciate the reviews! Keep it up, keep me motivated!

B'Elanna tossed and turned all night. She had added several new cuts to the collection on her arm and then fell into bed. But she couldn't sleep. She just kept replaying her conversation with Tom.

"_B'Elanna don't get so pissed off at me. God, why are you always so angry?" Tom shouted._

"_I'm not ALWAYS angry, I'm angry when you treat me like a whore. I'm so sorry that I'm not stupid and happy all the time like the women you're used to," B'Elanna _

" _You know there are plenty of women who would love to have me. And none of them have such an attitude problem," said Tom angrily. _

She couldn't believe he would treat her like that. Well, actually she could, what she couldn't believe that he had escaped their confrontation without any bodily harm. She should have broken his damn nose.

B'Elanna sighed and wrapped her arms around her knees. Why did she always fall for guys who treated her like that? She supposed that it was all part of her inner desire to feel pain and guys like Tom always hurt women.

B'Elanna was still awake several hours later when the computer alerted her it was time to get up. B'Elanna took a quick sonic shower and sat on her couch until it was time for her shift.

She was still working in Astrometrics with Seven on the shield calibrations. Modifying the shields to repel the nebular radiation and electricity was tricky business. The pair worked in silence most of the morning until B'Elanna's stomach started growling again.

"Lieutenant, I believe it is time for lunch," said Seven.

B'Elanna's head jerked up and she stared at Seven. Seven was smiling softly at her.

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," said B'Elanna.

She stepped away from her console and started out the door. Seven was close behind her. Too close, which is why, when B'Elanna stopped abruptly, Seven walked right into her. B'Elanna ducked into another corridor.

"Lieutenant?" questioned Seven.

"Tom is up there. Flirting with some Ensign. I don't really want to deal with that right now," said B'Elanna. She leaned against the wall and looked up at the ceiling, wishing she could just go back to her quarters.

Seven peered down the hallway.

"I believe they have dispersed," she stated.

B'Elanna looked at her for a moment before pushing away from the wall. They made it all the way to the mess hall without incident. B'Elanna walked through the food line, surveying Neelix's latest culinary creations. Nothing looked very appetizing to her, despite the rumbling in her stomach. She decided on a small amount of some sort of soup, and a vegetable-like substance.

She sat at a table in the corner, attempting to ward off unwanted conversation. A few moments later Seven joined her with her nutritional supplement and a bit of the vegetable substance.

They sat in silence as Seven drank her supplement and B'Elanna slowly ate her soup. She poked at the yellowish vegetable before deciding to taste it. She chewed it for a moment before grimacing and taking a large gulp of her drink.

Seven looked at her with amusement.

"Don't try that. It tastes like shoe," said B'Elanna.

Seven looked at her own food for a moment before bringing a bite of the veggie to her mouth. She repeated B'Elanna's slow chewing motion and than grimaced as well.

"That is most unpleasant," Seven decreed after a moment.

"I told you it tasted like shoe," said B'Elanna taking another drink.

"I'm curious as to how you ascertained the taste of shoe, Lieutenant," said Seven as they got rid of their trays. Seven couldn't help but notice how little of B'Elanna's soup was gone.

"It's just an expression," said B'Elanna as they headed back to Astrometrics.

They spent the rest of their shift working and chatting about Engineering and Astrometrics. Seven was still surprised by the smaller woman's brilliance sometimes. When they first met, B'Elanna showed her nothing but disdain, calling her drone whenever she got the chance and Seven returned by brushing B'Elanna off as ill tempered and unintelligent. Both of them had proven the other wrong.

When B'Elanna got back to her quarters, she stripped off her uniform and studied herself in the mirror. She had gotten thinner, only eating what was necessary to survive. She didn't want to eat anything at all, she was never hungry, but she wasn't stupid either. She knew someone would notice if she ate nothing. They were watching her.

She also knew that sounded a little paranoid, but it was the truth. Chakotay hovered around her for days after their chat on the holodeck. She'd talked, she'd shared, but nobody understood how she was feeling. They had loved ones. Everyone who had ever loved B'Elanna had abandoned her. Some had died, some had left of their own free will, but no matter the means, the end was still the same. She was still alone.

B'Elanna had several scars on her body, but her favorite was one directly under her ribcage on her left side. She'd been wounded during a Maquis mission. She was with Seska, Chakotay, and on her friends who was dead now, Mallya. They had been attaining supplies when they were discovered.

B'Elanna had been taken hostage and the guard that was holding her got a little jumpy. He sliced her side open and dropped her, allowing Seska to shoot him and giving Chakotay time to pick her up and still get some of the supplies back. Back then, she'd been happy. She had friends, she'd had Chakotay, and she thought she had a future.

She looked down at the cuts on her arm. Some had started to scab over but the ones from the previous night still looked raw. They had been rubbing her uniform sleeve all day, and every time she felt a little twinge of pain B'Elanna had to fight the urge to scratch them until they bled again.

But in the privacy of her quarters, she didn't have to fight any urges. She didn't make any new cuts, just picked at the old ones. Soon blood was streaming from her arm. Not very much. Not nearly enough to kill her, but enough to make her feel.

B'Elanna didn't even attempt to sleep. She knew it would never come. She looked across her quarters to her collage. The very collage Seven had been inspecting days ago. B'Elanna wondered what the ex-drone had been thinking. Seven was such a mystery. At first B'Elanna had considered her nothing but a mindless drone with no original thoughts, but had come to learn that Seven was brilliant and quick witted, much like Engineer herself. And these past few days, B'Elanna and Seven's hatred turned companionable co-workers seemed to be turning into a friendship.

B'Elanna sighed and decided she should at least attempt to sleep. She turned the lights off and fell back into her pillows. It was going to be a long day tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

This is set after the episode Extreme Risk when B'Elanna attempts to feel some emotion or pain by running dangerous holodeck programs without safety protocols. And I'm sorry I fail so miserably at updating regularly. I really have no excuse; someone should just come hit me. But anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Thanks for sticking by me. Here's a new chapter. I'm going on vacation, but I promise I will get another chapter up as soon as I get back! Enjoy.

Disclaimer: Obviously I am not Gene Rodenberry and I don't own Star Trek or any of its characters.

* * *

It was B'Elanna and Seven's third day attempting to successfully recalibrate the shields. The nebula they were due to encounter in just two days time was unlike anything they had seen before. Even Seven's Borg knowledge provided little assistance. Every simulation of the new calibrations ended with the ship being corroded and torn apart by the gases that made up the nebula.

B'Elanna had arrived early to her shift, but as usual, Seven was already there.

"Do you ever sleep?" questioned B'Elanna.

"I could ask you the same question Lieutenant. The bags under your eyes seem to suggest that you have not slept an adequate amount," observed Seven.

"Yeah, it's this nebula, it's driving me crazy. If we don't find a way through it, we'll spend the next year and half going around it," said B'Elanna.

"I understand, this nebula is most…frustrating," said Seven.

They spent the next several hours hashing and rehashing ideas. Oscillating frequencies, harmonious frequencies, unharmonious frequencies, frequencies nobody had even heard of. Nothing worked.

They were so adamant about solving this puzzle, Seven and B'Elanna worked right through lunch. Something that did no go unnoticed by the Captain and Chakotay. About an hour after lunch, he came to find her.

"B'Elanna, I didn't see you at lunch today. Did you forget about the agreement we had?" he asked in a friendly tone that was anything but friendly to B'Elanna.

"No, Sir, we were just so busy I guess I didn't realize what time it was," said B'Elanna.

"Well, see that it doesn't happen again, B'Elanna, I don't want to be the bad guy, but this is for your own good," said Chakotay before walking out the door.

B'Elanna leaned over her console, resting her head on the piece of machinery.

"Sometimes, I hate that man," said B'Elanna.

Seven smiled but B'Elanna couldn't see her.

"Well, Lieutenant, I believe we should procure nutrients before that man returns to force feed you," said Seven.

B'Elanna laughed. She had no idea Seven had such a sense of humor. She almost regretted being so hostile to the blonde drone when she first arrived on Voyager. B'Elanna saved the idea she had been working on and followed Seven to the mess hall.

When they arrived in the mess hall Neelix had already cleaned up that day's lunch, and from the smell that lingered, B'Elanna felt that was a good thing. She went over to the replicator where Seven was replicating her usual nutritional supplement. As usual these days, B'Elanna didn't really feel like eating, but she knew that a close eye would be kept on her since she failed to show up for lunch. In the end, she replicated a sandwich and a small bowl of soup.

B'Elanna was about half way through her soup when Tom wandered in, with the Ensign she had seen him with yesterday. At that moment she wished she could just blend into Voyager and disappear.

_Blend in._

That was it! A light clicked in her head.

"Blend in," she said out loud.

"Lieutenant?" questioned Seven.

"We've been trying to repel the gasses with the shields and that kept cause reactions, we need to remodulate the shields so they blend in with the gasses," said B'Elanna excitedly.

"Blend the shields into the nebula so they do not react with the gasses. Clever," said Seven.

She smiled at B'Elanna. And while Seven was smiling at her, B'Elanna felt like she was the only person in the room. She forgot about Tom and the giggling Engsign. She forgot about the hovering Chakotay and Captain Janeway. She forgot about all the things in her life that she hated. Seven had a beautiful smile.

"This plan may prove correct," said Seven.

"Glad you approve, lets go test it out," said B'Elanna as she started to stand.

"I believe we should finish lunch first, Lieutenant," said Seven.

"Oh, yeah," said B'Elanna sinking back into her chair.

She looked down at her meal with disdain. She didn't want anymore, but with her luck, if she didn't eat Seven would report her to Chakotay or Captain Janeway. B'Elanna managed to eat a bit more soup and half her sandwich. Seven seemed satisfied with this, as she made no protests when B'Elanna rose to dispose of her tray.

As Seven got up to dump her tray, B'Elanna saw Tom heading toward them.

"You guys solve that shield problem yet? Because as good a pilot as I am, even I can't fly if the ship corrodes," joked Tom.

"We're working on it, though I don't see you being useful at all, apparently you're too busy seducing poor unsuspecting Ensigns," said B'Elanna.

"At least I find more productive things to do with my time then trying to kill myself on the holodeck because I can't deal with reality," said Tom.

B'Elanna was appalled. She couldn't believe he'd just said that to her. She raised her arm to hit him, but was beaten to the punch, quite literally, by Seven.

Tom fell to the ground, his lip bleeding profusely.

"What the hell? I'll have your ass in the brig for that one you Borg bitch!" Tom spat.

Seven merely raised her eyebrow for a moment and walked away. B'Elanna looked down at Tom before quickly following Seven. She caught her by the turbo lift. B'Elanna looked down at Seven's hand. There was blood on it and B'Elanna wasn't sure whether it was hers or Tom's.

They made their way back to Astrometrics in silence. Seven immediately went to work on the new shield idea. B'Elanna simply watched her for a moment.

"Is something wrong?" asked Seven after B'Elanna had stared at her for a full minute.

"Thanks for that, back in the mess hall, I really appreciate it," muttered B'Elanna.

"Some things cannot be solved with words, especially when dealing with those of inferior intelligence," said Seven calmly.

B'Elanna smiled, "Is your hand okay?"

Seven looked at it. There was blood, but it appeared to be drying.

"I appear to be fine. Nothing life threatening," Seven replied.

B'Elanna smiled at her. It felt nice to have someone stand up for her for a change. Not like Tom, who was nice when she was around, but agreed with all the bad remarks made behind her back. Seven had defended B'Elanna, something Tom would never do just for her sake. Seven was so…incredible. She was strong and confident. She would do whatever she had to to get what she wanted. Something B'Elanna had always found attractive, probably a Klingon thing

"_Whoa. Stop the train. Did I just think of something about Seven as attractive? Where the hell did that come from," thought B'Elanna._

She'd never thought of Seven in that way before. Hell she'd never thought of any woman that way before. It wasn't that she had anything against liking another woman, it had just never happened before, so B'Elanna didn't think too much about it.

She couldn't be thinking clearly. It was just leftover glee from seeing Tom bleeding on the floor. It was temporary insanity from not being able to make herself feel properly last night. She couldn't really be attracted Seven, could she? Attraction was a feeling, and B'Elanna couldn't feel. She was numb. Seven couldn't be the reason she was maybe, just maybe, feeling something again.

"Shall we work on the shields, or would you like to continue staring at me until the vessel corrodes in the nebula?" said Seven with a raised eyebrow.

"Lets get to work, I'd like to finally have an idea that works for a change," joked B'Elanna.

They had been getting fed up with the constant failure of the past week. It was nice to have an idea that seemed hopeful.

They worked the rest of the afternoon without interruption. It seemed as though Tom wasn't going to follow through on his threat to have Seven in the brig. B'Elanna suspected it had something to do with the things he'd said to her before Seven hit him.

By the time their shift was over Seven and B'Elanna were feeling pretty positive about their new plan. Barring any major problems with the holodeck tests tomorrow they were set to get through that nebula.

"Well, it looks like we made some good progress today," said B'Elanna.

"Yes, it looks as though your plan will get us through the nebula," replied Seven.

They walked out of Astrometrics together. It wasn't until they reached the turbo lift that Seven asked B'Elanna to join her for dinner.

"Lieutenant, would you care to accompany me to dinner," asked Seven.

B'Elanna was shocked. Seven was asking her to dinner.

"Um, well, I'm kind of…" started B'Elanna. Then she remembered the look on Tom's face as he laid on the floor. "I'd love to have dinner with you," said B'Elanna finally.

They arrived in the mess hall right at the dinner rush. It was pretty crowded. B'Elanna scanned the room and saw Harry sitting by himself. She and Seven headed toward him with their food.

"Hey B'Elanna, haven't seen you around here in a while," said Harry as they sat.

"Yeah, I've been eating in my quarters," said B'Elanna, "trying to avoid the nausea." She looked pointedly at Tom and his harem of Ensigns.

"I don't know what they see in him, it astounds me, " joked Harry.

"He has his charms, they're just far outweighed by his disgusting piggish tendencies," said B'Elanna.

"So, I take it you were the one behind his fat lip," said Harry as he poked the purple vegetable that was tonight's main course.

"Actually no. That was Seven's handiwork," said B'Elanna.

"Oh yeah?" said Harry. He looked impressed.

"He was treating Lieutenant Torres with blatant disrepect, he was…asking for it," Seven replied as though it was nothing.

Harry just laughed. "It's about time someone knocked him down a peg," he said.

They ate and B'Elanna got caught up with the ships happenings that she had missed since her self-imposed confinement over the past few weeks. Seven merely observed, jumping in occasionally with an observation. The trio stayed long past dinnertime chatting and joking. Once the dinner rush was over, Neelix even joined them.

For the first time in what seemed like a long time, B'Elanna went back to her quarters and didn't add any new wounds to her arms. She fell into her bed and went right to sleep. And all night she dreamed of Seven.


End file.
